.. and the CRIB came down.

I can't help but to look at my little Ethan right now and just LOVE him so much. He is now almost 17 months old and has grown so much!! He isn't the happy content, non mobile little sleeping baby he was over a year ago. He climbs out of the CRIB, he grunts and screams when he wants something instead of asking for it, but then again he's always cried when he wants something. He doesn't want to be held in one place for very long because he likes to get up and roam around quite abit. He does get jealous of his brother --especially when I'm holding Thomas, and Ethan comes up on it. He also doesn't sit in the High chair anymore, he sits in a booster seat at the table now, insists on feeding himself. He is very much an independant little boy -- so this post comes as another bittersweet milestone comes about in his short little life, I FINALLY TOOK DOWN THE CRIB!!! Very sad for me, because it's the first time that it has been taken down and not set up. I BAWLED MY EYES OUT!!! He's growing fast and with the realization that he is probably my baby -- it's sad for me.

So his room went from having a crib set up to having a toddler bed in it's place. It's been a rough couple of nights. The first night Thomas came into my room around 4 in the morning and said that Ethan was under his bed -- CRYING!! So I quickly ran to the room expecting to see him half under the bed -- but NO he was completely under the bed in the back corner and I had to pull him out. I just don't know how he quite got under there because there are all sorts of shoes, and toys and even a few books that have made their home under Thomas's bed. So he was screaming and seemed quite distraught over the whole experience. And little did I know that it would be another hour and a half before both of these little guys would fall asleep again. Needless to say I was extremely tired on Friday (the 19th of August) and going to pick up the girls from school that afternoon was quite a challenge for me. I WAS REALLY TIRED!!

So sometimes I just wonder how long will the TIREDNESS go on ? So the tiredness only builds because the boys have both been running fevers today, and I stayed home from church to "nurture, and love and comfort" them, and still I've not been able to nap myself. So I really hope that tonight -- all will go well to get some decent time alone with my husband and drift off to sleep by his side. I always feel better when I can fall asleep with him close by. I don't know why but it just happens.

OFF TO SCHOOL..... AGAIN

One of the cutest things Heidi said when she saw the desks, " I GET MY OWN DESK?" She seriously didn't know that she would get her own desk because in Kindergarten last year they just used big tables that about five kids would sit around and share. She did a lot better this year on her first day compared to last year.
Her very own desk with her own name tag and everything. She's growing up in front of my eyes and I can't even believe it.
Katherine is just so darn cute for just about any picture that she's in. Here she is on her first day of 3rd grade. My girls feel really special because they got to buy their backpacks in West Virginia while we were there. So they can feel like no one else around here will have the SAME backpack, so far I haven't heard whether they have seen any or not.
Already jumping right into the work!! Keep her BUSY!! I hope she doesn't get bored this year. And that she stays on top of her homework and doesn't slack.
Here are all three -- Kaylee of course, looks so nervous!! I'm not quite sure why. But she's loving school now!! They wouldn't stand still after this first "lousy" picture. So I couldn't get another one where they were all well seen, and not hiding in shadows. Poor Heidi was distracted by something else, and wouldn't even look. Oh well.

First Day of School: Poor Kaylee actually has a mouthful of MISSING teeth!! She was slow in losing them so now she's one of the few that actually has a huge GAP in her smile.

She was "embarrassed" I think, because I stepped into the classroom for a few quick minutes to take a few pictures. Of course, I know nothing about "lighting, or ..... any of the other Photography skills" so all my pictures come at you totally BARE and AMATEUR although some day I hope to remedy that by taking on some new "SKILLS" -- as Napoleon Dynamite would say.

My life seems more "enjoyable" for the most part with the girls at school again, but then again, I still have two ornery boys to take care of still at home. Boy are they BUSY, FIESTY, and PLAYFUL, and LOVING when they want to be. I hope they all do well with their classes this year.

AND IT CAME TO PASS.....

STAY BACK EVERYONE!! I ACTUALLY HAVE A FEW PICTURES FOR THIS POST !!

and it came to pass that while,

I was thinking in my head, I'm not going to kiss this guy ( because I don't know if I'm going to marry him or not) and simply for the fact that well, lets just say I'd had my share of kisses or rather more than my share of kisses already and I didn't want to just "kiss to kiss". So we're looking into each other's eyes, and I've got butterflies jumping around in my stomach, I'm swaying back and forth and really kind of nervous, because let's face it this was just an AWKWARD time for ME!! But I clearly remember looking up and all I could see was this little nub from the branch above his head that looked like it was going to stab him, if he jumped up at all. I looked into his eyes and all I could see was a spark of love and concern for me, and it's as if our inner spirits reached out and connected with one another because all of the sudden I didn't feel nervous , AND THEN HE KISSED ME!!! OR I KISSED HIM !! OR WE KISSED EACH OTHER!! Who cares, the point is that was our first kiss!! And of course, it was dark outside, but hadn't quite reached curfew time, but it was CLOSE like within minutes. So my manager comes out of the house and asks, " WENDY?? DO YOU NEED A LATE PASS??" In this very annoying voice that really bothered me, So, I replied, " NO, I'm coming in " We kissed again, and then we separated for the night. I couldn't think of anything else and just felt really quite elated!! I was in a state of complete happiness and went to bed with sweet dreams. WHO WOULDN'T after something like that? We eventually swapped "blankets" so he used mine, and I used his, and I even had a sweatshirt that was his, because while I was over visiting him it got cold and I didn't have anything with me, so he kindly let me hold onto it, and it's still hanging up in my closet. I loved the way it smelled like him, and until we were able to get married that was the comfort I had at night to help me feel like he was near. We took long walks at night hand in hand and talked about our futures together and of course, we kissed, more than once but one night I told him that I didn't think we could go for more than five minutes without kissing each other because, that seemed to be the only thing he ever wanted to do when I was around. So while we were dancing in the living room of his house, we turned that five minutes into at least 30 minutes and we both knew that we were PERFECT for each other and that we would be there to help each other through all the rough moments in our life and that we'd be there to celebrate all the GREAT moments that would come into our life. We've now been married for 10 years and have created 5 beautiful children and are ENJOYING everyday of our lives together. All I can say is when it's right, IT'S RIGHT!! And we just have to have the faith to go and do what we know to be correct and true. We had our first kiss on May 16Th/17Th ( we didn't really write it down so I think it was the 17Th, and I think he says it's the 16Th) but at any rate we had our first of many kisses then and we were married on the 24Th of June. 100 days later!! We couldn't be more of a perfect fit for each other. But we as individuals are no where close to perfect. But together and with God -- all things are possible. So even though life hands of situations that hurt us and make us 'vulnerable' to certain feelings, those events help make us strong, and really help us prepare for the "real" thing.

We took this picture of the house this last December when we went to Rexburg for the Temple open house and of course it was winter but that Tree right there, is where we shared our first KISS!! And every time we go to Rexburg we are always sure to go back and visit it.

Here is a shot of the house from the other side. That window up on the top towards the back of the house was the window to the bedroom I slept in.

I loved my days in college. I may not have done well academically, but I did learn a lot about myself, about life, and the things that I am here to accomplish. I really gained my testimony while I was at Ricks - I always kind of just "KNEW" that it was right and while I was there I had it confirmed and haven't thought twice about the truthfulness of this gospel since then. This life seems to hand us difficult blows, but I firmly believe that if we keep faithful and believe that our Heavenly Father knows what is best for us, that all things will work out in the end. It's hard to go through those trials while in the midst of them, but all the experience that you gain from it, and the insights that you pull from it will help us to become stronger people. I often wrote in my journal some cheesy lines like " when will my prince charming come to rescue me?" and well I wanted things to happen sooner than they did, but as I was patient and enduring what I thought was "unbearable" -- my Prince entered my life and am I ever thankful that we were brought together. Because as my husband and I have often talked about it, no one could put up with my "crap" as much he does, and no one would want to put up with the way he is as well as I do. We have a LOVE that binds us together and we've worked through some rough spots and have come out on top. These emotions that we go through, don't make life easier really, but they do make it feel so much better when they do go the right ways. So I'm glad that my husband loves me, and often reassures me of that when I start to feel down about life in general. He really does complete me, and I feel lost when we have to be apart for very long. I sit back these days and feel really blessed to know that we are HAPPY!! I have siblings that are having rough times in life because of choices that they've made and ... well I just hope that someday that they can have what my husband and I have. A life full of Happiness. ( of course, it isn't that way all the time, because kids make life difficult, bills make life depressing sometimes, and illness affects us, but on the whole we are HAPPY! because we know what we can be a part of after this life.)

Emotions.... part 3

.. well this guy, who will remain nameless, was a sweetheart!! I went with him numbers of times to his parents house, where he actually still lived, and he was just recently a return missionary. I thought everything couldn't have been more perfect. I met most of his family, although he did have a brother out on a mission at the time. His mom was fantastic, a nurse at the hospital, ( that my oldest child was born at) His Dad, I think was in law enforcement somehow, don't quite remember. His sister had the same name as I did, so that was cool!! We spent hours together when he wasn't busy working and I wasn't busy with class, he came and visited with me and my roommates at our apartment and then was kind enough to give us rides to WALMART. Because until I met him, we did a weekly walk there to get our needs for the coming time. He even drove me down to Utah a few different times and we stayed at our friends mom's house. Things were great !! I thought ---" I could see myself married to him, " although he was a bit shorter than me, and that kind of bugged me. -- Yeah, Yeah superficial I know, but I never had an overwhelming feeling of peace when I thought about being his wife. I spent Thanksgiving that first year at his house with his family and that was really fun. It was nice to have a different view on holidays by spending it with another family, they were nothing but sweet to me. I went home for Christmas and missed him terribly, we talked on the phone a few times, but that was about it, I did mail him a few different letters and he mailed me one as well. So we tried to keep in touch as much as we possible. When I returned home from that trip, I was so EXCITED to meet up with him.

It felt as if he were just as excited. Our relationship lasted for a few more weeks and he broke it off right before Valentines Day!! Of all the TIMING!! Come on!! I was so distraught AGAIN!!! Well, to say the least, I had another broken heart, not as bad this time, seeing as how I was careful not to let my feelings for him engulf my whole heart. But it still hurt. I was once again in need of major distraction. I had great roommates that helped me through yet, another bad relationship. So we tended to spend more time together and really became best friends before we went home that summer. I've actually been around to see almost all of them fall in love with their spouses and then get married. I'm really good friends with all the spouses as well. ....
But sometimes I can't help to stop and think, now what if I would have pursued so and so instead, because after I was "boyfriendless" again, I started dating like crazy AGAIN!! There was once when I asked a guy that was in my ward to one of the dances that was going on, and I forget how I asked him, but I can completely remember how he answered!! And once again, this guy -- made me feel special. He had various guys from our ward that happened to live in the Dorms with him call my phone number all night long saying something like " this is angel #____ and the word from Thomas is YES!" I swear the phone was ringing all night long every 3-5 minutes. Of course, every time it rang, they asked for "ME" and then proceeded with their "script" -- the funny thing is I recognized almost all the guys voices and the one number I can really remember is "this is angel 666, (busted up laughing) and Thomas says YES!" -- the guy who called that time was my Home Teacher, or at least at some point he was my home teacher. It was a really great way to DISTRACT me from everything I wanted to forget.

I went home that summer.... and WORKED at MERVYN'S -- and I loved the job. After a long agonizing summer of needing "permission" again to do anything, when I was used to just going and being gone at school , it was quite an adjustment. But I survived and I couldn't have gotten to Rexburg soon enough. I was once again, relieved when I was back at school! !! I moved off campus the second year, and lived where there were 11 other girls -- CRAZY I KNOW!! But it was fun, and I really got to enjoy some them quite a bit. I didn't live with any of my roommates from the first year, because one was now married -- but they were back. Another one was back but she lived somewhere else off campus that I couldn't quite afford. But I was with her ALL THE TIME!! Another roommate was back too, but she stayed on campus in the same room actually. So we went and saw her when she wasn't busy.

I was glad to have friends that I knew from the first year, and a lot of the guys we knew the first year were back as well. Jason and Cody!! We did a lot of fun stuff, like bridge jumping!! I swear I'll never do it again, but it was fun doing it once. We went to the dunes, and had bonfires, sort of. We went to EGIN lake, and played for hours. My friend, who I spent lots of time with liked Cody, but she wasn't ready to go and approach him and be so bold, so I said - hey lets go over there. (Because I had no reservations) Well -- that was "MISTAKE" because once they really started knowing each other .....well lets just say "another one bit the dust" and now they have been married for 10 years and have 5 lovely kids. And I was SAD, because who was I going to spend my time with now??? She was preoccupied with him, and he with her, so I was a fifth wheel kind of thing. So now I was forced to get to know my new roommates, of whom I introduced her to her husband as well. And now they've been married as long too, and have 4 kids.

I slowed down on the dating thing that year, and really focused on school. We did end up going to a great big huge dune party that year that was funner then anything I've ever done before and haven't done since. But I think that I was " in like " with at least two guys that I can remember that my roomies ended up smooching on. I felt hurt, and betrayed and at this point really thought I would never get married. And then I went home for Christmas 1997, came back and then it happened.....

I had a new FHE group that year and well, my husband was in that group. Of course, at that time I didn't know it, but we had a "star gazing" activity at one of the bisoprics member houses while there was still snow on the ground and the guy had the nerve to pick me up over his shoulders and go throw me into a snow bank and held me there, while one of my roommates came up and "white-washed" my face. HE WAS FLIRTING BIG TIME!!

So another family home evening -- which this one might have even happened first, then the above experience, but at any rate, I mentioned how I needed to go grocery shopping and it was getting late, so he "being the romantic genius" he is asked if he could give me a ride. I said, "Yes" and we went to the store but while we were there, it was like I was a giddy school girl all over again, we ended up holding hands a few times, and were majorly flirting with one another. I came home, and swore up and down that I wouldn't kiss another guy unless he was the guy I was to marry. We put the food away and he took me over to "Milhollow" to get some frozen yogurt and two of my room mates came with us. Chris and I sat beside each other and were holding hands under the table as if we were trying to hide somthing. (Oh wait, I guess we were) At any rate, On march 17 we stood under the tree just outside my house and he was holding my hands and we were looking at each other and not much was said, but .....

PART 2 ... and counting

... so when I got to college My eyes just about POPPED out of my head because there were guys all over the place. RM here, RM there, "he's Hot" , What about him?, My room mates at college always seemed to ask me " so who's the guy of the week, this week?" I seriously had a lot of crushes in college -- bum deal too, because I didn't seem to be the kind of "GAL" these GUYS - I liked - seem to want to ask out on a date.



So I could have just sat around waiting for them to "NOT ASK" me, or I could go and be proactive and "ASK" them. So I was "dating" a lot of different guys back then.


( SIDE NOTE: which seems kind of sad nowadays that you can't use the word dating and a lot of guys in the same sentence next to each other because you might get one of those not so nice "worldly labels")



But I liked to go and do things, so sometimes we'd go catch a movie, (which aren't good dating ideas), we'd go play ball, heck I think a few times I even went to workout with a few guys, we'd go play air hockey, go bowling, catch a play, go to a fireside..... the list just goes on and on. There were so many activities and things to do, it was HEAVEN for me. I got away from things at home that weren't too good, and I was HAPPY!! So with keeping myself busy I eventually healed my broken heart of "my first love" and I made room for a lot of crushes. I felt hurt and betrayed because of this thing that "inadvertently" happened to me. My roommates helped get me through that time, when memories would come flooding back and I could feel the hurt and ache all over again. Eventually I came to realize that the problem wasn't ME!! It was the GUY!! (Apparently his head wasn't thinking to clearly for a long time). And no matter how much I tried to figure .... " if I had only done this instead, or.... " well we all go through the "what ifs" and that just makes it worse. I realized once again that I knew I was SPECIAL and that I had great things to do with my life. So feeling the spirit that exists at Ricks College helped me overcome this difficult experience.

Life was going pretty good until it seemed that I had room-mates that seemed to all have a connection with other people (mainly of the male species) and these guys seemed to be returning the attention to my friends. SO I started feeling a little SAD once again. I did however meet a guy through one of my room-mates and he lived in the area (sort of -- about 1/2 hour away). And I thought that he was fun, not to bad looking and seemed to possess a great personality. I was later asked by my room-mates who is friends with him, what I thought about him. Well, he did seem to pay attention to me that evening so I started thinking that maybe I liked him enough to pursue something there .... but Oh, I don't know. So there was a dance coming up and all of my friends seemed to have had a date for the occasion but I was not going with anyone yet, and I really wanted to go..... So one time I came home from dinner at the cafeteria and walked in to my apartment and saw a sign on my door that said, "You'll go to homecoming when PIGS fly!" -- I was so offended and thought that was such a cruel thing to do -- I was ready to just go in my room and just CRY!! "EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN" --- I went to my bedroom door and opened it up and to my surprise above my bed .... were a bunch of pink paper shaped like a pig hanging by string coming from the ceiling. I about died laughing when I understood what was going on. On the pigs I was basically asked to go to Homecoming with this guy that was my roommates friend. And then there was a Pink Panther (DOLL something or other) laying on my pillow with a yellow rose with it. "AW" How Sweet !! It made my heart melt. So apparently after talking with my friend she said that the guy thought I was really cute, and was hoping to get to know me better but didn't want to try anything until he knew what I was feeling about him. So I gave him a chance and he gave me a chance. So that began a dating time frame for about ..... ( well gosh, now I need to go and look in my journal to find out) .... more next time. ....

( I LOVE TELLING THESE STORIES AGAIN, I don't even know if I've written about them in my journal back then.. and now my kids can see what I did and maybe know I'm not such a WIERDO anyway .. or maybe it'll just prove that I am. We'll SEE!! )

Getting in touch with my emotions..... part 1

Pretty lengthy and might get kind of sappy READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

I just can't help but needing to put this down. I've just been reading a series of books that is part of a family saga. Anita Stansfield is the author. I just absolutely love her style. I'm totally sucked in, and have put of reading the Twilight series until I finish reading the books that are a part of this family saga. She is a LDS romance author and has a way of putting at least me, in touch with emotions that I've long forgotten about.

As I read these stories I feel like I'm the one in the story and I can almost relate to just about every emotion that they put out there. My only problem is I think I become so OBSESSED with the romance part of it and how it makes me feel, that I think I could play this part of and my husband can say the right things and treat me in just the right way and will know how to "sweep me off my feet" ...... until I realize that he hasn't even read these books -- probably never will -- and then I said, " why don't you read these books too?" and instantly I also said, " wait, it probably wouldn't affect you the same way that it affects me"

This goes back to a part of my teenage years that is a main part of where I am today so I wanted to share the experience:

I wasn't fortunate enough to have my husband be my first and only love and (kiss, for that matter) -- and yes, he is quite aware of that. But I had a SEVERE crush on a guy in high school he was about 3 - 4 years older than I (much like my husband is) and I seriously experienced a lot of emotions when I was around him. I had a crush on him from a very early age and that eventually developed into my "first love". As a young teenager I'd always noticed him, and like the way that he had interacted with people and generally how he treated everyone too. He was playful, and funny, and well I thought he had a "hot bod" ( Because when you are a giddy 14 year old that's all that matters, right?) I would see him in the halls when I got to be in the jr. high because we had 7 - 12 in the same buildings. He always said hi to me by name and said it with such a tone that just made me go to putty. That's when the crush started! He graduated from high school four years before I did, and went on his mission while I was still in high school and when he came back I think I was a senior in high school but, I wrote to him while he was on his mission, just some encouraging type letters, and letting him know how things were going in the ward and just basic how are you doing, we're praying for you, type of stuff.

When he came back from the mission he told me that it had meant the world to him, for me to take the time to write to him, when no one else took the time. You see to me, it was important, because we were already friends before he left, but I was not yet 16 so we couldn't really date. I turned 16 while he was gone and well, we got acquainted with each other after his mission. I was always in the "back seat" to other girls that "liked" him too, so I always felt hurt inside because my friends liked him - (but that happened before his mission as well). But after the mission he started paying attention to me more -- and that's when the crush I'd had on him before, started to develop into something more (at least on my end). There was one time that I had to be at work and knew that he was coming back to town but didn't know when, and all of the sudden, while I was a cashier at the local grocery store, he came through my line (mainly because I was the only line) and when I saw him, my heart just about jumped out of my body. The adrenaline started rushing and all I wanted to do was walk out of the store right then to go spend some time with him. He bought some pack of gum and when he paid for it put the money into my hands only he held onto my hand a little longer then I thought he'd ever done before. I was so head over heels for this guy. Only my hopes became shattered when I realized that in REALITY I still had about 2 hours left to work. He said that he would meet me at my house when I was done and then he picked me up and went out to his parents place and just caught up with each other. I had asked him to go to my junior prom with me even though he had graduated high school several years before and he said YES!! I was so stoked. He was quite the gentleman, surprised me with a nice fancy dinner before hand and had this look in his eye that just seemed to make me feel SPECIAL!! I felt like I would end up marrying him ( of course, I was only 17 at the time) I found every opportunity I could to spend time with him, I talked with him of my dreams my fears, my crazy family life, and yes we did kiss on a number of occasions, and when we did WOW!! I absolutely was all tingly inside and almost felt like I had butterflies in my stomach, just being close to him, made me feel safe, secure and complete. He remembered my birthday and gave me a few (cassettes) -- yes this was the mid nineties then. He was absolutely endearing. He was everything to me and being new to this whole "love" game I had put quite a bit of me into it. We had a fun night at the prom, I loved dancing with him, and his strong grip around my waist and holding my other hand with his. How could life get any better?? I had my life planned and felt good about the course I wanted to take.

BUT>>>>

That's right because I was told the summer I graduated, about a year after my prom date with him, by a dear friend who was my Laurel Advisor something that shattered that dream!! She told me that she had a friend in the stake that was a single female and I had recognized the name because she was a friend of this guy too. What she told me, was so heart wrenching and made me feel like I was going to DIE!!! This guy who had been seeing me off and on when he came to town -- making me feel special, and loved and who I shared many kisses with, was actually dating this friend at the same time. But it gets even better.....

Come to find out that the guy is also in a serious relationship with another gal back at school. I think I was told that the reason he was dragging the three of us along... was because he didn't want to hurt us by "breaking" off whatever we may or may not have had. AND.... that's right it gets better yet (said with slight sarcasm) He was being immorral with the third gal back at school and pretty much lost his testimony and ... well I don't need to go into other details, but the point was I was devastated. My leader knew how much I had invested in this guy, and was concerned for my well being and decided to tell me this in an effort to stop it before I got hurt even worse ( If that was possible at all) -- After hours of crying and a few days of not knowing how to feel, I eventually felt better and realized that he wasn't worth it!!

It was the summer before I was going to go to Ricks College which is now BYU Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho. I had some astounding roomies that year that I love dearly and always will!! You ladies mean the world to me. Because you were a part of my life when I needed your help the most. I didn't have the opportunity to really date a lot in high school simply put -- lack of guys with a moral code and that meant no members!! So when I got to college.....

(Stay tuned for the continuation of this story tomorrow - or rather sometime after I get some sleep)

Good friends conquer bad days

Who signed me up for this job??

I mean really come on!!

• Did I sign up to clean the cat water dish of all the cat food that gets spilled into it.
• Taking my kids to school everyday and giving up my morning of sleeping in!!
• Not having any solo time unless I'm in the bathroom or the kids are all asleep at night.
• Why do I have to fix all the "broken toys" or "hurts" that everyone has??
• What about needing to take my 3 1/2 year old to the bathroom because he refuses to go by himself. And we've been working on it since December 2007 !!
• Or how about that I make all the food and oh yeah --- you're supposed to clean up ALL The messes and not get much help from the kids!
• Or -- I get to wash all the laundry and no one else seems to know how to fold it or put it away but yet I get "blamed" because they don't have any clothes to wear!!
• Oh yeah, and what about all the late night wakings up of certain children because they "wet their bed" or they have a nightmare or they are running a fever, or they think it is now time to wake up for the day!!
• And who said I have to be the one that runs late to church every week because some of the kids are having a rough morning.
• Why am I supposed to teach my kids all of these "chores" that they must do and why do I need to enforce it??
• Why do I have to know where everyone's THINGS are at. Isn't that why I provided a place for your shoes and a place to but your clothes and ..... blah ba blah ba blah ba blah

This list could go on and on..... but I don't know what good it would do, if I did that.

I ask you WHO SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS!!

Oh yeah, it must have been me, because for some strange reason I thought it would bring me some immense joy, and things would be perfect and I could speak the first time and have perfectly obedient children. Well, as I've been a mom for a little over 9 years now -- I realize that I was quite Naive back in the day. Okay I really didn't expect perfection out of my children but come on I didn't think I would totally have to beg and plead, and bribe my kids to do the every day kind of things that help make the home run smoothly or more efficiently.

I am tired of trying to be "SUPERMOM!" because I'm not and I'm sick and tired of thinking that I have to do as good a job as so and so that lives over by the ....

I know I wanted to be a mother but sometimes I can't believe that I hear some mom's out there say that they absolutely LOVE IT!!! I do enjoy it, but I have bad days more than once a year, and my kids have personalities that are stubborn and LOUD and can be quite energetic other times. I don't think I get enough "down time to be me, without interupution" that I often times seem to have a short fuse. Lately I've found it helpful to count to 10 a FEW times to calm myself down before I speak. Amazingly enough it helps!! I know that my children are precious and really do want them to be happy and want what is best for them in the long run, they do bring me lots of joy, and those few little moments make it all worth it to me.

I just know that sometimes I don't quite do all that is required of me, and then I start feeling very overwhelmed with the task in front of me. I often try and play it off like I've got everything under control but in fact -- I don't -- but have no idea how to get in control of whatever may be wrong at the time. I do have to say that I love all my friends that I can chat with here and there that have a way of making me feel loved, you don't know how much you touch my heart, and how much you lift my spirits. I truly have been blessed with great friends in this life and would pray that I can only live to let them all know that. And if you're reading this -- you'll know who you are. It's you who I can talk to about my frustrations, (and sometimes compare notes) tell you about my joys, and truly be myself around you. You set a good example for me, of the things that a great mom is, and does, and motivate me to be a better person.

So to answer my question above: I signed myself up for it! But when I have those "bad days" I have "good friends" that help me to feel better when I need it.

Birthday Pictures

So Heidi decided she wanted to do subway sandwiches for her birthday and Chris came up with doing a "Randolph" version of it and the kids loved eating this for dinner. We just bought french bread and then had the "sandwich fixings" to go with it. It was GREAT!!

Here is the before picture of the cake that I was making for Heidi's birthday. Here is the After picture!!

You can obviously tell I'm an amateur but at least the kids thought it was something spectacular. The birthday girl with her birthday cake.

Blow out the candle Heidi!!

Okay so I had her pretend to blow out again, since I

missed getting the picture when the candle was lit. She's such a good sport.

My favorite gift I gave to her.

And of course, you can't forget about ......

She liked this the most..

as far as presents went that she didn't know about.

We also let her pick out a "girls bike" that we gave to her as well.

I think that she had a really good day!! And the Kitchen was still clean after the party!! It's awesome staying on top of things like that. Someday I'll be on top of the entire house and have the whole thing immaculate, like when the kids don't live at home anymore.

Happy 6th HEIDI WHO

I just can't believe that my little Heidi girl is now a SASSY Little SIX year old!! She just had her birthday Saturday and we had a lot of fun. I've enjoyed having her be a part of my family these last few years and now she's going to start 1st grade in just a few days. Wow, how time just seems to fly the older I get!! I just want her to know how special she is to Chris and I and that we love her very much. She's a quiet child sometimes, and angel sometimes, annoying other times, obnoxious most days, and LOUD!!! But she always comes up to me at night and gives me a big HUG and says she loves me --- if of course she isn't being sassy at that moment.

PS--- MY KITCHEN IS CLEAN!!! I washed the dishes (yes hand washed) right after dinner, I"ve swept my floor, the table is wiped down and the stove is clean. YIPPEEE, lets see if I can keep this up.

Wednesday's List 10 ...

I wanted to add a little variety to my blog and attempt to try and make it more interesting I found this prompt and thought I would like to give it a try.
Now remind you this is from my childhood and things that I experienced. Places that liked to be or things I liked to do while I was a child.

List 10 things from your childhood that you wish all children could have or experience.

1. The random fire-drills my dad would do in the middle of the night.
2. Water-fights that started in the house and ended up outside and everyone was a part of it.
3. Whitney Portals -- In California up above Lone Pine.
4. Trip to Disneyland that was a total surprise.
5. A paper-route ( and then have it become a family affair)
6. Watch a football game in the "PIT" ( A field made of dirt!)
7. Going to Pismo Beach in California -- FUN STUFF!! ( Of course, I haven't been in quite a while.)
8. Swimming at Valley Wells Pool ( although it isn't open anymore!)
9. Going to Ridgecrest and thinking it was a BIG CITY, ( when in fact it isn't)
10. Having family come and visit and going to visit family in other places.

Today marks exactly one week before school starts for this year. I'll have a 4th grader, 3rd grader and a 1st grader. And once again Katherine has Kaylee's previous teacher from the year before. It makes it kind of nice to know who they are already, but I can't help but think if some sibling "comparing" goes on with these teachers. This, of course, is only the second time this has happened -- so I guess I can't be too judgmental yet, besides I loved Kaylee's 3rd grade teacher and hope she works out nicely for Katherine as well. I was just talking the other day to a friend who made the remark something like this " isn't it funny how we think we'll get more things done once the kids are out of school and we don't have to take care of the school stuff in between our doing things around the house and taking care of errands and such. But then when the end of summer comes we can't wait for the kids to get back to school because we can get more done with them gone. " How true I find this cycle to be. I always wondered why my mom, was so anxious for school to start and now I think I finally know. Not that I don't love my kids or anything but, I find it the only thing remotely close to getting a "break" that I thrive on it. Yes, it's true that I've never been a morning person ( And I even had early morning seminary) but after my vacation this last week -- I think that I can finally start getting up early. Because if you think about it was waking up at 7am there and it was 5am here in Utah. So I know that I can totally do this. I just need to DO IT!! I am ready for them to start school despite the fact that I have to drive them everyday because they always had so much to do, and friends to play with and came home telling me about all the fun stuff that they did that day or how they hated lunch. And it gets me one step closer to getting them "out of the nest". Let's face it, I eventually want to have a life AGAIN!! Too bad it'll be when I'm much older, Like nearing 50! But hey, at least then my husband and I will be able to afford the trips we want to go on, and the remodeling to our home we might want to do and upgrading all of our furniture. It'll be fun, but for now I really like to enjoy my kids and the funny little things that they do. I just hope that while they live with us that they can learn all the things needed to be contributing citizens and know right from wrong.

One of our many pictures from vacation, in Boone, Iowa at my friend Sarah's house. You can obviously tell how happy they were to be taking the picture. I do have a lot of funny stories to relate but that will come later.

And our Journey came to an End.

Well, we spent four days coming home, and we finally returned to Utah from our venture back East. I have lots to tell, and a memory card to EMPTY!!! I had SO MUCH FUN!!! Okay it wasn't fun all the time, but overall I really enjoyed it. I'm going to focus this week on getting "organized" since I'm "inspired" right now, and will then begin to post on the highlights of the trip. I think the kids are also GLAD to be at home, and see their rabbits, and sleep in their beds, and more importantly Heidi is really excited because Saturday is her birthday!! She'll be 6 and more of that later too!! I'm relieved that the trip is over but I really wouldn't mind living back there sometime maybe. But it won't be for a few dozen years or so. NOw to get back out of my dream land and back into the reality of being a MOM!! Oh wait, I was still doing that on vacation and --- well now I think I need to take my own personal vacation and get a break from the kids. Anyone want to come??

We're Finally Here!!

Okay we arrived in West Virginia for the main part of our stay just last evening July 31st, 2008 !! It is so Beautiful here!!! I'm so glad that we've taken this trip out here and am looking forward to spending the next few days enjoying the green here in West Virginia. I'm going to wait until we get back home to really post about the things that we've done, but WOW!!! It is so GREEN. I was talking with a friend in Provo before we left and she said, expect to see Trees!! I didn't realize exactly what she meant until we reached the eastern side of Indiana!! Holy Cow!! The kids have been traveling fairly well, and now that we have the easy days ahead of us (only 3 - 4 ) of hardly any traveling the kids should enjoy that a lot more. So far we've enjoyed the trip and I've become quite the sandwich artist in the van. Because YES!! We let our kids eat in the car to make better time, so we just have sandwich stuff, like lunch meat, sliced cheese, and bread in the car and then a bag of chips or two and then we feed the kids lunch. I need to find out now if I can empty my memory card to my flash drive or need to go an buy a new one. I'm having fun here in West Virginia and hope that you are having fun where you are too!! Take Care.