I mean really come on!!
- Did I sign up to clean the cat water dish of all the cat food that gets spilled into it.
- Taking my kids to school everyday and giving up my morning of sleeping in!!
- Not having any solo time unless I'm in the bathroom or the kids are all asleep at night.
- Why do I have to fix all the "broken toys" or "hurts" that everyone has??
- What about needing to take my 3 1/2 year old to the bathroom because he refuses to go by himself. And we've been working on it since December 2007 !!
- Or how about that I make all the food and oh yeah --- you're supposed to clean up ALL The messes and not get much help from the kids!
- Or -- I get to wash all the laundry and no one else seems to know how to fold it or put it away but yet I get "blamed" because they don't have any clothes to wear!!
- Oh yeah, and what about all the late night wakings up of certain children because they "wet their bed" or they have a nightmare or they are running a fever, or they think it is now time to wake up for the day!!
- And who said I have to be the one that runs late to church every week because some of the kids are having a rough morning.
- Why am I supposed to teach my kids all of these "chores" that they must do and why do I need to enforce it??
- Why do I have to know where everyone's THINGS are at. Isn't that why I provided a place for your shoes and a place to but your clothes and ..... blah ba blah ba blah ba blah
This list could go on and on..... but I don't know what good it would do, if I did that.
I ask you WHO SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS!!
Oh yeah, it must have been me, because for some strange reason I thought it would bring me some immense joy, and things would be perfect and I could speak the first time and have perfectly obedient children. Well, as I've been a mom for a little over 9 years now -- I realize that I was quite Naive back in the day. Okay I really didn't expect perfection out of my children but come on I didn't think I would totally have to beg and plead, and bribe my kids to do the every day kind of things that help make the home run smoothly or more efficiently.
I am tired of trying to be "SUPERMOM!" because I'm not and I'm sick and tired of thinking that I have to do as good a job as so and so that lives over by the ....
I know I wanted to be a mother but sometimes I can't believe that I hear some mom's out there say that they absolutely LOVE IT!!! I do enjoy it, but I have bad days more than once a year, and my kids have personalities that are stubborn and LOUD and can be quite energetic other times. I don't think I get enough "down time to be me, without interupution" that I often times seem to have a short fuse. Lately I've found it helpful to count to 10 a FEW times to calm myself down before I speak. Amazingly enough it helps!! I know that my children are precious and really do want them to be happy and want what is best for them in the long run, they do bring me lots of joy, and those few little moments make it all worth it to me.
I just know that sometimes I don't quite do all that is required of me, and then I start feeling very overwhelmed with the task in front of me. I often try and play it off like I've got everything under control but in fact -- I don't -- but have no idea how to get in control of whatever may be wrong at the time. I do have to say that I love all my friends that I can chat with here and there that have a way of making me feel loved, you don't know how much you touch my heart, and how much you lift my spirits. I truly have been blessed with great friends in this life and would pray that I can only live to let them all know that. And if you're reading this -- you'll know who you are. It's you who I can talk to about my frustrations, (and sometimes compare notes) tell you about my joys, and truly be myself around you. You set a good example for me, of the things that a great mom is, and does, and motivate me to be a better person.
So to answer my question above: I signed myself up for it! But when I have those "bad days" I have "good friends" that help me to feel better when I need it.
Oh, Wendy have I EVER been there. And I have less than half the kids you do!! It's perfectly normal for you to not have everything under control and have a bit of a short fuse sometimes. It's so hard. There is SO much. And everytime I mess up, the guilt kicks in.
ReplyDeleteBut I KNOW that you're a better mother than all that. Your kids know you love them. You DO get up and take them to school. You DO their laundry. You DO cook dinner. And you play with your kids. You teach them responsibility and the importance of family history work and going to the temple. I can PROMISE you that your kids are going to remember you making the temple a priority. And they're going to love that they grew up in a busy home where they always had someone to play with. That they felt like they could PLAY in, not just sit on the couch all day to avoid getting dirty and making messes.
It's such hard work. But it's not always going to be like this. They're going to grow and keep growing and someday, there won't be kids to take to school, or little boys' underwear to fold.
Not that I don't feel exactly the same way more days than not, but I'm really trying to make a point of living in the little moments.
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteI dont know if you know, but I have felt this way myself MANY times! It's a very big job being everything to everyone. Just be sure to take care of yourself because so many love you and are counting on you. Go easy on yourself though. Comparing yourself to others is NOT GOOD!! I've done it myself and when I do I get really down on myself for it. Dont do that to yourself. There's no need. You're a great mom with a wonderful family who loves you. Some would think you have it all!
Yes, I think that is what I'm trying to get myself to realize that I need to cherish these little moments because all too fast it'll be them going on missions, and going to college and getting married. And I mainly wanted to reassure myself that I have been blessed with GREAT FRIENDS!!
ReplyDeleteWendy!! I am soo sorry! I totally understand where you are coming from. There have been soo many times where I have felt overworked and unappreciated for all of the things that I do for my kids and I think to myself...is this really worth it? I just have to think to myself that they are just kids and I'm sure I was the same way. You are a wonderful mother and a great example to your kids and soon it will all pay off. I admire you for your efforts in getting to the temple. That is one area I really need to work on. I just went last month and that was the first time in a long time and I am trying to get back in the habit, so thank you for inspiring me to do that. Anyways, I am rambling but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. Vent anytime...it really does help. I wish I lived closer so we could see each other more. Maybe someday.
ReplyDeleteI think you're amazing to be raising your 5 kids and still have such an amazing positive attitude - I have such a hard time with just my 1! So don't feel bad about yourself, and remember that you are a great mom!
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