Okay so I've taken a little time off from the whole blogging scene lately. Well at least the posting on my part. But I've been keeping up reading all the fun blogs that I like to visit mostly everyday, but at least every week. I've realized that I've been keeping my blog now, for two years. And after going back and looking through my posts I realize that if it hadn't been for the blog, a lot of my precious thoughts, and moments with my family would be lost and gone forever.
After a brief, but very needed, cry session the other day, I feel a lot better. What? Oh, I didn't tell you I had a bad day? Well, not so much a bad day, but just the moment at which the culmination of all things going against the grain for us, seemed to want to cause an emotional outbreak filled with enormous amounts of frustration. I realize that these feelings of frustration aren't from God, but sometimes the feelings need to be expressed before they cause a woman (or a man) to go insane. It just seemed like one thing after another this spring and summer have been going against us. Along with the fact that my husband has had reduced hours, doesn't help my emotional state of mind.
I tend to be a worrier, and sometimes that's good, but in my case most of the time it's bad. I sometimes forget to keep faith, and know that things will work out, and that it might not be exactly on my time schedule, but I know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of my needs. And tries to send me "gifts" that are there to remind me just how much he really does love me.
Some of these recent gifts are when my two year old comes up out of the blue and hugs me, and says "I luv lou" and the cute little smiles and smirky grins that he does.
Or my 4 year old when he goes and offers to help the lady on the corner who isn't married, but still has a severly handicapped child at home that she cares for. My son goes over when he sees her mowing her grass with a non-motorized push mower and sweeps the grass up and helps her clean up. What a great worker!!
Or my 7 year old when she goes out of her way to help her younger brother to get ready for bed, and finds him a night shirt, and tries to get his toothbrush ready. I see her attempts at doing her homework on her own. And seeing the delight in her eyes when she gets a 6/10 on her spelling test!!! Spelling comes hard for her, and I just make sure that she feels good about it!!
Or my 9 year old who is constantly looking up information on the internet about animals, and different countries, and space things, and trying to learn everything she can. She has a spark of "brilliance" that says she's truly a gift who seeks out others at school and tries to befriend everyone.
Or my 10 year old, who is becoming a young lady right before my eyes, and her attitude is changing immensely. She still has a stubborn streak, but for the most part she is willing to help me out with a task, and she gets right on her homework just as soon as we get home. She's managing her time wisely, and doing a great job, helping with her brothers.
Or my husband, who despite having reduced hours this whole year, still has faith that things are going to be just fine. And despite how imperfect I am as a wife, mother and woman in general isn't always the way he would hope that I could be, he continues to love me, and work hard for our family. When a difficult situation comes up he keeps his calm, and keeps me grounded.
The vegetables growing in my garden, and the fact that preserving them has been made known to others so we can enjoy the sweet summer and fall goodness through the blustery days of winter. When no one dares go outside because of the frigid temperature outside.
And who can forget about CHOCOCLATE chip cookies, and all the other lists of things that can be baked. And just CHOCOLATE itself!!
My talent of being able to try and make food despite practically bare cupboards come the end of the pay period. You know those days when all the fresh stuff is gone, and bread is no more found in the house, and you're just so dirt poor that for once you'd like someone to give you a break from making dinner but alas it never happens kind of days.
Or when I have desires, and ambitions of things I'd like to do at some point in the future. I guess they could fall under hobbies, but maybe hobbies I'd like to get paid for in the future. It makes me feel like there is something else to look forward too, after my children are done needing me on a constant basis.
And I'm glad that I have this blog, that serves for the most part as a journal for me. It might not mean anything to anyone else, but for me, it's everything. I've got the happy moments, the sad ones, the so so ones, but it's a record of my life (as far as I've been doing this) and someday in the future, I can look back at it and have this to draw from. Knowing that there were days that weren't so good, and other days that I felt like I was on top of the world. And other days, where I just blended into the day, and didn't know morning from night (because most of the time that's how I am).
So I need to make a more diligent effort to record my memories, and those that involve my children so that they can have some lively entertainment when they are older and parents themselves.
Here's to making life changes for the better so that maybe I won't have such bad days where I feel completely overwhelmed.
What are the gifts you notice in your own life?