Emotions.... part 3

.. well this guy, who will remain nameless, was a sweetheart!! I went with him numbers of times to his parents house, where he actually still lived, and he was just recently a return missionary. I thought everything couldn't have been more perfect. I met most of his family, although he did have a brother out on a mission at the time. His mom was fantastic, a nurse at the hospital, ( that my oldest child was born at) His Dad, I think was in law enforcement somehow, don't quite remember. His sister had the same name as I did, so that was cool!! We spent hours together when he wasn't busy working and I wasn't busy with class, he came and visited with me and my roommates at our apartment and then was kind enough to give us rides to WALMART. Because until I met him, we did a weekly walk there to get our needs for the coming time. He even drove me down to Utah a few different times and we stayed at our friends mom's house. Things were great !! I thought ---" I could see myself married to him, " although he was a bit shorter than me, and that kind of bugged me. -- Yeah, Yeah superficial I know, but I never had an overwhelming feeling of peace when I thought about being his wife. I spent Thanksgiving that first year at his house with his family and that was really fun. It was nice to have a different view on holidays by spending it with another family, they were nothing but sweet to me. I went home for Christmas and missed him terribly, we talked on the phone a few times, but that was about it, I did mail him a few different letters and he mailed me one as well. So we tried to keep in touch as much as we possible. When I returned home from that trip, I was so EXCITED to meet up with him.

It felt as if he were just as excited. Our relationship lasted for a few more weeks and he broke it off right before Valentines Day!! Of all the TIMING!! Come on!! I was so distraught AGAIN!!! Well, to say the least, I had another broken heart, not as bad this time, seeing as how I was careful not to let my feelings for him engulf my whole heart. But it still hurt. I was once again in need of major distraction. I had great roommates that helped me through yet, another bad relationship. So we tended to spend more time together and really became best friends before we went home that summer. I've actually been around to see almost all of them fall in love with their spouses and then get married. I'm really good friends with all the spouses as well. ....
But sometimes I can't help to stop and think, now what if I would have pursued so and so instead, because after I was "boyfriendless" again, I started dating like crazy AGAIN!! There was once when I asked a guy that was in my ward to one of the dances that was going on, and I forget how I asked him, but I can completely remember how he answered!! And once again, this guy -- made me feel special. He had various guys from our ward that happened to live in the Dorms with him call my phone number all night long saying something like " this is angel #____ and the word from Thomas is YES!" I swear the phone was ringing all night long every 3-5 minutes. Of course, every time it rang, they asked for "ME" and then proceeded with their "script" -- the funny thing is I recognized almost all the guys voices and the one number I can really remember is "this is angel 666, (busted up laughing) and Thomas says YES!" -- the guy who called that time was my Home Teacher, or at least at some point he was my home teacher. It was a really great way to DISTRACT me from everything I wanted to forget.

I went home that summer.... and WORKED at MERVYN'S -- and I loved the job. After a long agonizing summer of needing "permission" again to do anything, when I was used to just going and being gone at school , it was quite an adjustment. But I survived and I couldn't have gotten to Rexburg soon enough. I was once again, relieved when I was back at school! !! I moved off campus the second year, and lived where there were 11 other girls -- CRAZY I KNOW!! But it was fun, and I really got to enjoy some them quite a bit. I didn't live with any of my roommates from the first year, because one was now married -- but they were back. Another one was back but she lived somewhere else off campus that I couldn't quite afford. But I was with her ALL THE TIME!! Another roommate was back too, but she stayed on campus in the same room actually. So we went and saw her when she wasn't busy.

I was glad to have friends that I knew from the first year, and a lot of the guys we knew the first year were back as well. Jason and Cody!! We did a lot of fun stuff, like bridge jumping!! I swear I'll never do it again, but it was fun doing it once. We went to the dunes, and had bonfires, sort of. We went to EGIN lake, and played for hours. My friend, who I spent lots of time with liked Cody, but she wasn't ready to go and approach him and be so bold, so I said - hey lets go over there. (Because I had no reservations) Well -- that was "MISTAKE" because once they really started knowing each other .....well lets just say "another one bit the dust" and now they have been married for 10 years and have 5 lovely kids. And I was SAD, because who was I going to spend my time with now??? She was preoccupied with him, and he with her, so I was a fifth wheel kind of thing. So now I was forced to get to know my new roommates, of whom I introduced her to her husband as well. And now they've been married as long too, and have 4 kids.

I slowed down on the dating thing that year, and really focused on school. We did end up going to a great big huge dune party that year that was funner then anything I've ever done before and haven't done since. But I think that I was " in like " with at least two guys that I can remember that my roomies ended up smooching on. I felt hurt, and betrayed and at this point really thought I would never get married. And then I went home for Christmas 1997, came back and then it happened.....

I had a new FHE group that year and well, my husband was in that group. Of course, at that time I didn't know it, but we had a "star gazing" activity at one of the bisoprics member houses while there was still snow on the ground and the guy had the nerve to pick me up over his shoulders and go throw me into a snow bank and held me there, while one of my roommates came up and "white-washed" my face. HE WAS FLIRTING BIG TIME!!

So another family home evening -- which this one might have even happened first, then the above experience, but at any rate, I mentioned how I needed to go grocery shopping and it was getting late, so he "being the romantic genius" he is asked if he could give me a ride. I said, "Yes" and we went to the store but while we were there, it was like I was a giddy school girl all over again, we ended up holding hands a few times, and were majorly flirting with one another. I came home, and swore up and down that I wouldn't kiss another guy unless he was the guy I was to marry. We put the food away and he took me over to "Milhollow" to get some frozen yogurt and two of my room mates came with us. Chris and I sat beside each other and were holding hands under the table as if we were trying to hide somthing. (Oh wait, I guess we were) At any rate, On march 17 we stood under the tree just outside my house and he was holding my hands and we were looking at each other and not much was said, but .....