It's a Monday and what have I done today? NOTHING!!! I've been trying to figure out some tweaks for my blog, and playing with my 2 year old, and trying to keep "sickko's" in their room since they weren't feeling well enough for school this morning. I did, however, manage to take a bath, get dressed, talk with a friend -(who by the way made my day!!)
I went to the school and dropped off my two "sickko's" that were feeling MUCH better and let them finish the day of school, lucky they went now they get to play outside when homework is done. So I managed to run a sink full of water and have a huge mound of bubbles towering over the counter top. The boys would love it if I let them up there to play, but not today!! I have major dishes to wash, and about 8 loads of laundry to fold -- none of which I want to do. I've been fighting a slight dizzy feeling, and an oncoming headache all day. My cure, I should go lie down again, and read some more.... but then I feel slightly guilty because of the duties that haven't been accomplished today.... there's dinner that needs to be made, and dishes washed (as I already mentioned) and laundry to fold, not to mention -- it's nice outside and I should go on a walk -- but where oh where is the TIME!!!
This one element about life I can't seem to get a grasp on, but then again I don't have a grasp on many things that I feel I should. I don't even have teens yet, but I feel my day is already taken up and used before I can really do anything I want to... I guess it just all boils down to setting priorities and just knowing that my kids won't always be with me, eventually they will all leave the nest (because I won't let them live with me forever and if they want to try IT WON'T BE PRETTY) they won't be little like this forever, and I'm sure that when they are much more grown then now, my house will probably have a semblance of order on a more consistant basis and I'll not have clothes all over the sofa because I can't get them folded as they come out (for whatever reason). But I need to find JOY in the journey I'm having right now. I don't want to wish away my life and I want to avoid having or possessing the "If this happens.... then I'll be happy" syndrome. I try to sit back and look at my life right now and wonder what the heck, others might say in conversations if I were to die right now. Frankly it kind of scares me.
- I don't feel like I'm that great of a Mom, but I try my best.
- I'm not some fashion guru who wears great clothes all the time. (actually I don't think I ever do)
- I don't really get into shoes all that much.
- I dont' work to earn any money.
- I don't feel like I'm a runway model with the "HOT BOD" and "GREAT FACE" to go with it. (Because I tell you I have those huge pores on my face that look NASTY when seen up close, so stay back for better looking effect)
- I don't have a lot of rich relatives (now that I think about it I don't have any -- DARN IT!)
- I don't have a lot of jewelery. Heck my wedding ring is "laboratory created" aka: A FAKE!! But I love it because HE gave it to me. (He = MY MAN)
- I'm not extremely talented in anything. I know a little about sewing, a little bit about exercising, a little bit about decorating (but I suck at it), I'm a wannabe photographer, and digital scrapbook designer.
- I don't feel like I have many friends at all. Most days I get calls from automated messages, not a real person ever. And then when they are from real people, it usually comes bearing bad news.
- I don't keep my house immaculate. But try to keep it somewhat functional. Even if that means dishes get washed as they are needed.
So what in the heck would anyone say about me if I were to all of a sudden "leave this earth"? Well maybe they could say :
- She was so caring, and always friendly.
- She was always modest in her dress. And kept her children clothed.
- She tried to help even though she didn't know how.
- She loved her family, she was always taking them on walks, going to the park, talking about them, trying to find ways to help them make good decisions.
- She loved the Lord!! Her example proved it.
- She was a loyal wife and friend. She tried to show her love by the deeds she did.
- I never heard her get mean with her children ever --(gotta work on this one)
- She never lost her temper. (Well maybe not in public)
- She never tires from her duties as a mother and wife. (gotta work on this too!)
- She truly cared about me, because she always said Hi when she saw me, and tried to find out how I was.
Not that I'm hoping to die anytime soon, but I was just thinking about other family members who have passed on, and all the great things I can remember of them, and I just hope that when my time comes, I can fulfill some of my dreams and have great things remembered about me.
But back to the element of Time. It's short here on earth, and I have to make the best I can of it, while trying to tackle everyday items with children underfoot, or uncooperating with me and what I deem important. My goal needs to be to TEACH them how to live and WHAT is important in life, that when I'm not with them all the time, they can make good choices. It's such a tender spot with me, because I have some family experience with bad choice making, and I see what kind of misery that can be, and don't want that for my children. I'm so glad that they have good primary teachers at church that help instill in them a desire to do good.
My time is fleeting, and I never seem to have enough.. .like I need to go make dinner but haven't even started yet.... So it's off to make dinner, time to make sure homework has been done, and we have Family Home Evening tonight and I have to make sure all parts are ready for that, then it's bedtime, and that is a whole different time task on its own. I just don't feel like I'm ever in control of my time and when I feel like I am, I don't know where all the time went. So now it's time to get better control of my time, while I have TIME to do something about it.