So I just found out that later this evening they will take my Grandfather of from life support. Basically the machines are doing everything for him, and he's in a coma like state. I know it's a tough decision for everyone but I feel it's best for him. I've been on an emotional roller coaster ever since I hear this news Friday morning of his health issues, and now I'm okay for the moment but know that later tonight I'll be a BLUBBERING BABY!!!
I was reminded while I was laying in bed this morning, about a feeling I had back in Octoberish time. We had a tri p planned for going to California set up for Halloween, Chris had all the time arranged for work to have it off, and we'd go let the kids Trick or Treat there in California where my parents live. Well.... about a month or so before the trip we found out the date of when my sister was hoping to get married. Which would have been a week before Thanksgiving. We weren't going to try really to get to the wedding at first. But after a few days of pondering this thought, I felt very strongly that I needed to go to the wedding and that I needed to be there to support my sister ..... ladi da da. Well, my husband was able to cancel the intial vacation time and reschedule it so that we could attend the wedding. I had a fun time, and my Grandpa Hill and Maria were able to come down from Manteca, Ca where they lived to witness the marriage of my sister to Miguel.
And not until this morning did I realize what the urgency in going on that trip meant. That was the last time that I got to see him Alive!! I feel that in this simple little example I have felt the Peace and Love that our Heavenly Father gives to us in times of trial and tragedy. I was given the reminder this morning so that I could record it... Heavenly Father had a plan and that was his way of getting things in order for this unfortunate event to take place later tonight.
It's been a rough couple of days and moments and minutes of being so emotional to the point of bawling that I couldn't see through the tears coming down my face. I haven't even thought about eating, even as my heart feels like it's being ripped into pieces again, because an important part of the Love that fills my heart can't be fully shared anymore.
Even though I know that losing a dear loved one who is close to us and plays an important role in our lives, we can rest assured that life will still go on, and we just need to keep the legacy alive of such dear sweet people. It's HARD!! I'm not going to lie, but why does the ache hurt so bad... and I haven't even begin the real part of grieving yet, I'm sure that will hit harder as I hear he is pronounced dead, and passes on, and then again as I meet up with family members as a result of his death. I was only 10 when my grandmother passed away, and I can hardly believe that it's been nearly 21 years since she died -- it feels like forever and even still I MISS HER!!
Just a friendly reminder to mend those relationships that aren't going so smoothly and make sure your family and important friends know you love them. You don't want any regrets... and I'm glad that in this case I don't have any... at least not that I'm aware of yet...